the winds of change

they don't exist.

Old habits never die
people never change.
we just adapt.

I just adapt.

We are stuck
stuck in the same vicious cycle that we will be in all of our lives.

Nothing changes.

People just adapt.

People are stuck in the same routine every night and day.
a routine that they will never break out of for the rest of their lives.

People just adapt.
they adjust to every single situation. They never break the routine

Old habits never die. They hibernate.

They will make their way back into that vicious cycle. That vicious routine.

Those adjustaholics. Those changeaphobics.

I'm stuck.
youre stuck.
we're stuck.

For the rest of our lives.

Only He has the power to break us free.
break me free.

I suppose I have to adjust.
quit my damn bitching and just get on.

Because the winds of change,
they don't exist

the past week or so.

I don't even know where to begin.
I have hardly had time to breathe let alone blog.

Last week I got pulled over for the first time in my entire driving career.
it was scary as shit.
I got a warning ticket.

Josh finally told me that he was going to stop with all of the things
I dissaprove of, which I won't share on this blog.
and for the first time,
I actually believed him.
he has been very very open to me and I appreciate it deeply.

But if he does screw up even after this,
it will hurt even worse because he has made so many promises to me.
I think he has everything in check now though and I am proud of him.

Little Emerson is already close to three months
how weird is that????
lacrosse season officially kicks off on Monday.

My mom isn't happy that I'm doing it,
but I don't really have a choice,
and thats where things get complicated,
so we won't get into it.

Prom is right around the corner.
I still haven't gotten my dress.
I've been looking though.
my mom says she will buy one,
but I think her price
and retailers suggested price don't exactly match up.
oh well,
we will see what we can do.

I've been in a pretty good mood other then my ear infection. I've
really been in a good mood ever since me and josh talked last weekend.

I really hope he does actually turn it around.
its keeping me going,
and I will be soooo hurt if he lets me down.

Well thats all I can think of right now,
so,
off to bed for me!!!

wow...

I just got done reading a postsecret book for the 74473828474th time.

I guess i never actually READ it.

There were two secrets, that both are kind of related, but they speak
to me so much, and I relate to them perfectly.
and that scares me.

I want to tell someone so badly, but I am afraid,
even to put it on a postcard.

And now I can't stop thinking about it.
there was also a secret that could have possibly related to josh.
and I'm afraid of that too actually

Because that secret actually came true, and although it probably
doesn't bother him now,

It bothers me everyday

But of course,
thats no secret.

monday, the 23rd of february

not much going on.





im currently in school.

the dye getting on my skin from dying my hair is making me look like miss rihanna over there.

but i feel sorry for her, i really do.

no woman should have to go through that.

i forgot there was a margot show this friday at the emerson.


i want to go, but margot is getting so overplayed.


plus, im flat ass broke.

















goodness i need a job.


this anatomy paper is really easy.


i have a quiz on that next period. crapola.








but this weekend was really good.


joshua actually dyed my hair this weekend,


and he did a really good job,


so i think i have a new colorist haha.





friday, i didnt pick josh up till late. major problems there.


buhhh.


saturday we got a crib for emerson.


its gorgeous i think


we also donated an old crib.





that was like my first time ever donating anything.


it was weird.





and then we just watched scary movies.





im really ctraving a burger right now.


i think that i will make one when i get home.








school lunch is rancid.

the worst day of the week most defff.

so the highlight of my day.

Oh wait, there wasnt any...

My mom has been bitching at me all day about what a horrible mother I am,
which I know isn't true,
but it still hurts to hear her say those things.

She has been so mean to me lately.

I've been working on Latin since noon, and it is now 8pm, but I'm
making progress at least.

Josh was supposed to help me with it but the jerkface decided to l3ave.
he always does that when I need him the most :[[[

Whatever.
today, 2/19/09 blows.

The baby just started crying,
so I will go tend to her.

Hopefully next week is way better.
bus.

I'm so done.

Especially with trying to figure boys out.
its a lost fucking cause.
I'm also tired of trying to figure me out.

Can't I just get over it?
no. Actually I can't.
and somedays I think about it more than others. Today is one of those days.

Ooohhhhh what I would do to that stupid bitch.
and actually what I want to do to him sometimes for it.

Just not in a good really.

Fuck latin.
fuck life.

Fuck you.

so i guess i havent wrote a blog on here in quite sometime.

well, a little update.
i had the baby.
emerson.

shes now almost two months old and thats probably why i havent written in a while.
im wayyyyyy tooo busy.
i still have to fill out all of her stupid baby books.
ROAR.
theres no time for baby books!

shes sick right now too, which sucks, but she seems pretty happy.

and school is getting super hard.
especially latin.
they promised me id be able to graduate regularly, and im going to hold them to that,
but all the incompletes on my report card are worrying me.


siiiiiick,
oh well.
i think im going to start writing in here instead of myspace.


lalalaa.
oh yeah, me and josh? still together.
hes amazing.
i wish all of my friends were doing as well as i was.

not much to say right now other than those updates though.


ltain homework AWAY!!!!!!